Review: Hell Comes to Frogtown

The 1980s was a period of some great Armageddon films—tales where much of society was destroyed by nuclear warfare or some kind of strange calamity. Think of the Mad Max sequels or “Night of the Comet,” or “Def-Con Four.“

One thing I’ve always noticed about these films: they make the apocalypse look like a hell of a lot of fun. This is, I believe, because the apocalypse can be framed in the human imagination as answering a fundamental call for freedom.

Let’s be honest, we all resent society in some way. The rules, the expectations, the 9 to 5 grind. Wouldn’t it be better to roam the radioactive landscapes, riding some kind of giant steed, laser sword at your side, violently disposing of whatever mutants got in your way? GODDAMMIT, of course it would!

And that’s the premise of “Hell Comes to Frogtown” a  1988 horror comedy starring Roddy Piper. Sam Hell, a kind of doofus Mad Max, has been taken hostage by whatever government still exists after a nuclear war. As it turns out, he has an excessively high sperm count, so government agents task him with joining a mission to rescue six or seven fertile damsels who have been taken hostage by the denizens of mutant territories and then impregnating them.

A perfectly reasonable plan, I’m sure you will agree.

Did I mention that the mutants in the film are human-sized talking frogs? And that the main bad guy is named Commander Toady?

I’ve been wanting to see “Hell Comes to Frogtown” for years, and it was a treat to finally do so. Piper is not a bad actor, at least when he’s playing what I presume is a version of himself. (He’d already establish his thespian credentials in John Carpenter’s “They Live” which was released earlier in the same year.) Storied actor Rory Calhoun plays an aged Han Solo type character. It took me a while to recognize actress Sandahl Bergamn as the female warrior from the “Conan the Barbarian” movie.

Everything was as comical, hammy, and sexilicious as one would expect.

Apparently a few sequels, sans Piper, were made, but flopped. I’m surprised. There’s a lot of fun that could be had with the IP here.

Best line: “We’re gonna get them out. Then you’re gonna get them pregnant.”

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